Tonight I’ve realized that I will most likely never have the feeling of being young again.
Sleep and I have always had a love/hate relationship. This past week it is more of a hate relationship. It is a shame because we used to be best friends.
I have started to keep track of my sleep and patterns to determine how much sleep I should be getting versus how much sleep I actually get. Lately I have noticed that I wake during the night multiple times and rarely get a full night’s worth of sleep.
Keeping track of my sleep and being aware of it has helped me appreciate the times when falling on my pillow and sleep takes me instantly is such a gift. The one up side to not sleeping too well is that my dreams are easier to remember. I am quite the fan of dissecting dreams.
Last night my dream dealt with moving. My family was moving out of the same house (a childhood one from the past) and I was left to “clean up”.
To dream that you or someone is moving in or out of a place signifies your desire or need for change. It may also mean an end to a situation or relationship; you are moving on. Alternatively, it indicates your determination and issues regarding dependence/independence. To dream that you are cleaning implies that you are removing some negativity in your life and overcoming major obstacles. You are moving ahead toward a new stage in your life. In particular, if you are cleaning your house, then it means that you need to clear out your thoughts and get rid of your old ways and habits. You are seeking self-improvement.
My interpretation of my dream is that I have been secure with my family for quite some time and I am currently seeking a change. I was the last one in the house and I am sure it overlaps with my current situation. I am the last in my immediate family to settle down and be happy with their life. I am at a point where change is necessary and I need to make change happen. I also feel that I am between two main points of my life, stuck at a “speed bump” on my way to the next section.
The cleaning aspect of the dream rings true to my change in attitude lately. I have been working on me. Small changes and behaviors to make my life more enjoyable and more of what I want. In the past I have been a victim of living life the way I thought I ought to according to family or friends, or whatever was expected of me. I am a bit of a late bloomer and have just realized that it is *my* life and I will live it how I see fit.
The thrill of an argument is something to enjoy I believe. The way words join together to give meaning to a cause. It is how we explain our thoughts and feelings. Arguing burns more calories than regular talking. It also is exercise for the mind. Reason and logic are very easy to manipulate and bend to your will. This is how to win arguments, or so I’m told.
I am a person of few words. Not because I do not enjoy talking but I have always felt that if I cannot contribute to a conversation I should just listen. Arguing has always been fun for me, but I also have always had those “a-ha” moments after arguing with someone of what I should have said. Words have not been on my side on more than one occasion. Lately I have felt a loss at the ability to communicate.
I blame this loss on living abroad last year and before that working the “graveyard” shift for a number of years. I did not encounter that many people during that shift and during the day I spent that time alone. My time last year was spent in a country that spoke a different language than my own. My time spent speaking English was at home or to ten year old school children. Anyone who has children or is around them for a period of time knows that your level of language fluctuates to the level of those around you. My introverted self wanted to make some changes in the way I currently communicate.
I have heard from a friend that I should “work” on myself. I am taking that advice and I enrolled in an online course called Think Again. It is a course that teaches about arguments, reason, and logic and ways to improve the way you get your point across. I am really looking forward to this since it has been nearly ten years since I was in school. I even signed up for another course that starts in one month.
I have always been a learner. School for me was quite the enjoyable experience. I love the environment that surrounds learning, especially in a structured setting. Last year I taught fourth grade and had quite the role reversal experience of being the knowledge giver instead of receiver. That experience really got me questioning my future and what I want to accomplish in the world. I enjoyed teaching but do not know if it is truly something I would enjoy year after year or if I would only enjoy the “honeymoon” phase and newness of a job like that. Needless to say I argue with myself a lot on what I should do, what I want to do, and what I can do. I am brushing up on my skills so that I can talk myself into more crazy adventures and so that I can finally win an argument with someone who talks circles around me. Yes, “Lee” I’m talking about you.
I find it very interesting how different cultures develop different routines and habits. It all makes sense of course, all the factors that are present in one place but not the other shaping those people to act in a certain way.
I had this thought after brushing my teeth tonight after dinner. When I was living in Colombia it was common to carry your toothbrush and toothpaste with you at all times, especially to school or work. You even may have had a second set just for this reason. Colombians brush their teeth ALL the time. And I mean all the time, after snacks or a drink, and definitely after every meal.
It was odd to me because I find us Americans lazy. Maybe it was only me and my upbringing but the household I grew up in was not a strict one, and thus a few times my teeth were neglected. My routine is twice a day, and I know it should be more, but who has that time to brush so often? Colombians, I guess.
This also had me thinking about flossing. I only know a select few (I can count on one hand) that floss daily. This is a habit I need to continue to work on improving. But try as I might, I really hate flossing.
I think since I’ve tackled my vitamins every day I can learn to incorporate flossing into my hygiene routine.
Thanks of thinking of me when sending your emails out but I would love it if you could stop sending me forwards. Some of the messages are cute but others I totally disagree with and in the future would like to not receive them. I’m sorry if this sounds harsh but forwards are filling up my inbox.
I may need to rethink my direct approach. I haven’t heard from this person since I sent this. My bad.
-Stephen King (via howtedmethiswife)
How else do you explain Dumbledore, Snape, Fred, Lupid, Tonks, Hedwig, and Dobby?
I just fucking lost my shit.